(no subject)

and speechless.
fleeing from being known.
recongnized by my raw emotions, untamed thoughts, childish complaints.
really, frustrated and speechless.


no xanga.
i wonder if xanga people will come to this site. if so, hello xanga people!
i don't know many lj people... hello lj people!
i have a headache.
i am streaming consciousness.
i had a job interview today.
concorde marketing inc.
i was scared. but i kept praying to keep my nerves in control.
the receptionist girl was super nice. chatted for a bit.
must go check out venice beach. (recommendation by receptionist)
short interview. asked questions like:
One word a best friend would use to describe you.
- Honest.
On a scale of 1 to 10, rate your communication skills.
- 8. My brother said I should have said 10. But I was trying to be honest.
Choose one: computers or people?
- People. (I'm not sure if I was lying here.)
Choose one: out meeting clients or doing computer work?
- Meeting clients. (I think I might have been lying here, too. But you see, how am I supposed to answer this question when I have no experience meeting clients? Sure, I'd enjoy being outside and walking around rather than being cooped up in an office all day under fluorescent lights, but in terms of interacting with CLIENTS i dunno about that. Frankly, CLIENTS scare me. But see, it's something I'd like to TRY. So I dont' think I was lieing. Right?)

the dude who conducted the interview was watching ESPN streaming video while I and another applicant waited at the front desk. i found that funny but it relaxed me. humanized this dude in a suit looking and acting all professional. he's just like my brother. except caucasian. and wearing a suit.

i just realized caucasian is CAUC + ASIAN. That's interesting.

yeah, for like a second.

the other applicant answered her questions very well. it wasn't fair that she had time to think about her answers whereas I had to spit out these half-lies from the back of my throat. oh well. fair shmair. i don't care.

i forgot to ask for his business card.

i was glad to leave because i hate being all proper during interviews. i should just let it all hang out next time. har har.

whaddya know, i got a call back from that nice receptionist and she told me they want me back for a second interview tomorrow. feeling happy, nervous, anxious, thankful, better not blow it tomorrow.

still have a headache.

my application for naturalization wont' be ready until january. apparently it takes 18 months, not 12, for the honolulu service center. those lazy bums. wish i was there.

i was scheduled to go in for an audition today for actorsrep but i didn't go. on the phone they asked what my measurements were and i made them up. after measuring myself afterwards, i realized my estimations were waaaay off. 34-inch hips?? in my dreams! hahahaha. i have no sense of body measurements. i'm no good with estimating which size tupperware would be good for leftovers, too.

that's it for now. my feet are clammy. ew.

why i am posting on LJ

This is sad. DDOS attackers suck.

Due to continued and ongoing DDOS attacks, Xanga has now been down for over 24 hours.

This is the most concerted and determined of all the attacks we have experienced. Every time we bring the site back up, our attacker will find another avenue to renew their attack. I'm sure whoever is attacking us sees this all as a game, and is having a grand old time. I don't really get that mindset. Also, each and every one of these attacks is a felony charge.

These attacks have placed us in a classic Catch-22.

We want to share as many details as possible with our fellow Xangans
We don't want to give information that our attacker can use against us
We have chosen to break that conflict by upgrading both our hardware and our ISP. As many of you have pointed out, it is difficult to defend a Distributed Denial of Service attack. However, there are things that you can do to greatly increase your defenses - and rest assured, we are doing every one of them.

Many of you have asked for an ETA on bringing the site back up. Here's the deal - there's a chance we can get the site back up tonight, at our current ISP. If that doesn't work, then we will move the site first thing tomorrow morning and have it up by the afternoon.

We will find a way to make it up to all of you. In the meantime, our entire team is working around the clock to bring the site back up - better and stronger than ever.

Thanks for your patience,
The Xanga Team

Urinals, ladies?

Question for you women out there: How many of you have used a urinal?

No, I don't mean flushed one on a dare, or seen a dude use one. I mean YOU USED IT. To, like, PEE. Yeah, STANDING UP.

Apparently, some women do this.

I had NO IDEA this was possible.


This is revolutionary, I say!

But uh, ...

Put my fingers where?

Open what?

Angle how?

Labia who?

Urethral orifice kazamadoo?!?!!

Yes, it has been quite a while since biology class.

Geez louise. There is more information on that site than I would ever need to know about how to do this.

Tips on spraying, dripping, doing Kegel exercises.

Yes, I'm tempted to try, but I'm not sure I'm so comfortable with this whole thing.

Although writing my name in pee was always a secret ambition of mine. Hah!!

Could it be?

The answer to shortening lines to the women's bathroom?

Well, for such a great cause, how can I not try!

But, I shall read up on this before I attempt anything.

Though tempting, I'm not sure if I'll be able to abandon the sitting/squatting method so easily.

Can't believe some women have been doing this their whole lives!!

I remember my first toilet ...

Uh, no I don't.

But I remember using a toilet in the Korean countryside.

Yeah, one of those pits full of dung and pee with little white moth balls hanging from a rusty nail next to the door.


- - -

HAHAHAHAHA! My mom just came home and demonstrated for me how she SPRINTED to the bathroom on her way down the hiking trail cause she had to go doodoo so badly! HAHAHAHAHA!

I love it when my mom demonstrates. She's so good at it.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

Condition of Your Heart

It's easy to judge people, don't you think? By what they look like, by what they say, by what they don't say, by what you've heard behind their back, by what they post online, by what they don't post online, by pictures, by what they wear, by how they smell, by what school they went to, by how well they did, by their salaries, by their friends, by their beliefs, by their political parties, by their family, by where they grew up, by their shoes.

It's easy to assume what people's intentions are for what they do and what they say and what faces they make. It's really a part of being social and living in a society. You need to be able to assume certain things, read between the lines, make like you understand why someone said what they did, or else people might think you're some slow idiot with half a brain.

So when I hear of someone doing something good, I'll think, wow, what a great person to do such a good thing. When I hear of someone doing something bad, I'll think, hmm, I don't know about that. But you know, what do I really know? Only God understands the condition of our hearts. He knows us more than we know ourselves. Regardless of what we do or what we say or even what we think, God sees how we truly are by taking a look at our hearts.

So next time you're quick to judge someone, Eun Ho, remember that only God knows the condition of his or her heart. And remember that He also knows the condition of yours. So keep it clean and humble.
  • Current Mood
    calm calm

leaving on a jet plane. haha. how corny and cliche.

I got more emotional at church than I thought I would.
I'm going to miss CCFC.
So much.
The faces I didn't know.
The faces I did know but weren't friends with.
The faces I did know and were sort of friends with but not really.
Pastor Rah and his gift of ministry.
The worship team.
The vision.
I'm going to miss it all so much.
But it is comforting to know that the same God who met me each time I stepped into that buildling will forever be by my side. The same God will be with me in LA. The same God will continue to refine me.

I sat in service today and reflected on my faith.
It has grown a lot.
It's not about wearing a Jesus fish around my neck anymore.
It's not about being a worship leader anymore.
It's not about saying the right answers at bible study anymore.
It's not about praying the same prayer before meals anymore.
It is about asking questions.
It is about searching for answers.
It is about doing devotionals not because that's what a good Christian (whatever that is) does, but because I need to be fed.
It is about praying to listen, not to ask.
It is about faith. It is about truth.
And knowing this now and seeing how much I've grown, ... I'm humbled. I'm in awe of God and his love. Simply in awe.

Thank you to Pastor Rah for your passionate and convicting messages week after week, thank you to Robin for playing the drums so well, thank you to Kawika for introducing me to the other undergrads, thank you to Kathy for that awesome song during offertory, thank you to Pastor Jason and Christie and the other worship team leaders and members, thank you to Hannah and Pastor Elizabeth and the awesome girls I met that at women's group, thank you to Phil for responding to my questions, thank you to Liz for going to church with me, thank you to Glenn and Daniel for letting me blast worship songs in the mornings and afternoons and evenings, thank you to B for reading my long emails about how awesome the message was, thank you to everyone I talked to during mingling time, thank you to the prayer team members for praying, thank you to Chin and Solomon and Chay and Kristen and Eddie and Chileda and Serena and Bonnie and Jenn and others at Monday house church, thank you to everyone involved with all the groups at church for being the catalysts for CCFC's growth. It's obvious, even during my short year there, that God has amazing things planned for this community, and I'm glad I was able to experience some of that.

And with that, I'm going to finish up stuffing my suitcases. I'm going to call a cab and maybe talk to the driver. I'm going to get on a long flight bound for Hawaii. I'm going home. And I'll be smiling.
  • Current Mood
    calm calm

(no subject)

We're the Chipmunks!
Alvin, Simon, Theodore!

Ahh, Saturday morning movies: It's the Chipmunk Adventure! I'm sure I've watched and loved this movie when I was younger. Now, it's simply a backdrop soundtrack as I continue my job search and application process that I've been doing all night long.

Why the heckfire did I stay up all night applying to jobs?

I'm just so excited, that's why!

Hah. I guess you could say that. I guess a big chipmunk chunk of my time was spent revising some pieces of writing I pulled out from my dusty harddrive for a job that required three writing samples. I don't even know what types of writing samples they were looking for! Oh well, I guess what I sent was at least well-written, even if the content is not what they're had in mind.

My eyes are super duper ka-duper tired, but I can't go to sleep now because the sun has risen and more importantly, The Chipmunks' Adventure is on TV! Hahaha. Nah, the real reason is that I'm afraid if I sleep now, I won't wake up for my advisor's visit. He's supposed to get here at arond 8:00 am to pick up the futon and frame he had lent me at the beginning of the year.

Can you believe my advisor is playing basketball at this very moment? At 6:30 am?!? That's what he told me yesterday. He said he would stop by after his game, pick up the futon, and then go pick up his son to take him to his soccer game. Basketball at 6:30 am. I've actually gone to the gym to shoot some hoops at 7:30 am one time, but no earlier!!

I'm happy to say that I have successfully cleared out the job posting emails I've been accumulating in my jobs email address since -- guess! -- December of last year! Geez. Talk about collecting digital dust!

All the chipmunk voices are the same. The boy ones and the girl ones. Except for Simon. That dizzork. He's got the only distinctive voice. Otherwise, if I'm not looking at the TV, I have no clue who's talking. Hah.

Hm, I should go start packing my suitcases to see if I need to ship my books. Tah-tah for now!

  • Current Mood
    groggy groggy

(no subject)

One word:


I'm done, guys. I'm done.
Who, me? Yes, me.
I'm done.
I'm done I'm done I'm done.

You can call me ALUMNUS.
You can call me COLLEGE GRADUATE.

(Well, I hope I'm not counting my chickens before they hatch. I guess I won't know for sure until I get my grades and my diploma.)

But still -- I'm DONE!!

I'm starting to get all sentimental and reflective of this past year ... but I'm gonna save that for another day because ...


... Now what?

Hah. That's the question of the century.

And my answer is:

  • Current Mood
    ecstatic ecstatic

(no subject)

In 12 hours, I'll be done with my Earthquakes Engineering final exam. I haven't studied much yet. I'm going for the six hours before the exam cram session. With Red Bull. Woo Haw!

I'm trying to finish this psychology paper that's due on Friday, but I want to get it done by the end of this morning so that after I take that earthquakes exam, I'll be done done done!

But I'm not so sure I'll finish this paper anytime soon.

I've been procrastinating.
I've been farting.

So what else is new? :)

I wrote this email to MTV because they're looking to document people and their job searches in this tough economy blah blah blah. Yes, I've been surfing I told you I've been procrastinating. At least the TV's off, right? I wonder if I'd actually say yes, on the slim chance MTV got back to me.

Pbwwwutt. There goes another fart. Yup. That's what my farts sound like: pbwut. Musta been that veggie quesadilla (with beans) I ate for dinner. Mmmm leftovers.

Okee dokee! That's it for now! Hopefully the next time I write, I'll be done with college! DONE WITH COLLEGE! WOWEE! DONE WITH COLLEGE!!!!!!

But not yet. :)
  • Current Mood
    awake awake

If you don't know me, this is a good way to understand my obsession with POOP.

HOLY SH!T!!! Thanks, showerball, for that link to the EGG arts show site about CLOACA. You guys must read this excerpt from Wim Delvoye's interview. It's AMAZING how much I agree with this man. I mean, this is exactly why I talk about poop all the time. It's the essence of PLOP. People Like Other People - everyone poops. Undeniable. Wow. Mr. Delvoye, "you complete me." Hah! A match made in the bathroom? I think definitely.

EGG: Where did your fascination with human waste come from?

Wim Delvoye: In '92, I did the tiles, and then I was much more interested in the image of the shit. But already, shit was for me an equalizer, something that's like the most cosmopolitan object ever. I mean, poor people, rich people, male, female, black, white, whatever, anywhere, south, north ... wherever you go, people understand "Cloaca." People understand the shit; people have something to do with shit. Old or young, whatever. So from '92 I did these mosaics, between '90 and '92, and these were these kitchen tiles where I had pictures, photographs, with shits printed on them. And these tiles, together, were like making a medallion. They were very seductive, like making something very, very decorative. And from far away, you saw something very noble, very kitschy, beautiful and so on, and when you got closer, you see they're just turds. It was like looking for the object but at the same time, I really discovered the power of shits. It's universal. It doesn't make a distinction between the sexes, the races, the classes, the generations. It is so universal. And "Cloaca" is like that, too. You can bring "Cloaca" to China, you can bring it wherever, and people will understand. People might think it's art, or they might think it's not art. But they will take an interest in it and they will somehow understand the piece, I think.

The contrast between labor and the investment of time and money to make this machine is completely not in proportion to the end product. This is probably something that a utilitarian society such as the U.S. would feel very strongly about. All this labor, all this caring, this nurturing for nothing. It's like bringing water to the sea.

EGG: So, you're full of shit.

WD: We're living in a society where there's no intimacy left anymore, nearly. For example, people go to a party; they meet each other; they have a couple of drinks and they go to bed and they have great sex. That's what happens nowadays everywhere in the world. But then you've got those [people who have spent] five years together or ten years together and they're in a hotel, and one of the two has to brush his teeth and he opens the door, "Oh, I'm sorry." The other one's on the toilet. It's very rarely that couples don't mind about each other's pooing; to see each other in this vulnerable position on the toilet and so on. So there is still like a taboo, it is still something, even after five or ten years, between two people. It's so ... it makes us so aware of our fragility, our vulnerability. It's so personal, it's so intimate, that I thought if a machine could do that, this very personal thing that everybody does in the morning or in the afternoon, you know, that would be very, very diabolic. That would be very perverse. And that interested me, to have a machine doing it so publicly. But at the same time you're not offending anyone. You're not offending any group or religion. And it's so weird that this machine does it, because it's probably the most intimate thing you can achieve with another person. It's like pooing together or something.

Wow. I mean, WOW. I wonder if Cloaca's still in the New Museum. Oh man, if it is....